Men-o-pause

Okay guys, this post is for my girlfriends, so read it at your peril.

Menopause.  There it is, I had to spit the word out quickly as the very thought horrifies me. Only a man would dream up such a name for a female condition. There is no way I am going to let what is happening to my body put a pause to my sex life. I adore my gorgeous husband so take your paws somewhere else as I am not stopping my enjoyment of life.

As my children know, it isn’t easy for me to admit I am getting older, and although we can use all manner of creative techniques to delay aging including colouring our hair and Botox (neither of which I am doing, but may consider both soon) I haven’t read of a technique for preventing or delaying Menopause. There is no point complaining about the effects with my husband A as he looks at me blankly and just says he is glad he is a bloke so I am using this page as an opportunity to whinge to my friendIs this what I will look like after menopause?s.  In fact he did sweetly suggest that I might end up like this beautiful cat I saw lounging in the sun, plump, relaxed, purring happily but ever ready to swipe you with her claws should you be tempted to stroke her soft fur.

I have been doing my research into what the symptoms are and how best to cope with them. It is amazing how many pages there are on this rotten situation, and as expected there seem to be plenty of support sites and blogs for American women, but other than a couple of professional sites I didn’t run across any being run by Australian women so I am putting word to paper and hope this might start something for us.

I am going to be really honest here, surprising really as I haven’t even told my local GP what I have been experiencing. Not that it is bad all the time but I have had the horrible nights when you wake up with a racing heart and getting hot all over but thank goodness, no night sweats and wet sheets. Having been skinny all my life I am not sure I can blame the dryer for the way my jeans are feeling tight around the thighs. Well the advice columns all say you have to restrict your alcohol and coffee intake so I guess I could drink one less glass of wine at night but I am damned if I will give up my morning coffee and I would miss my espresso and whiskey after dinner. I will balance this out by doing more exercise, easy to do at the moment in London where you have to walk everywhere, and I will just work harder on the exercise bike.

If I am not drinking alcohol then at least I am moisturising my skin with extra water, but it is the other side effect of menopause I hate. I find myself skulking down the aisles of the pharmacy looking for moisturisers for you know…’down there’.  I think there is a niche market for a female moisturiser that you can use for the ‘real you’. Vaginal dryness – that is why it is called men-o-pause! Ouch. Who thinks that a mentholated, chilli or even strawberry flavoured lubricant is what I want when I go to bed with my husband? Thank you guys, I have already had the salad as the entree this is my dessert. I would rather use my virgin olive oil.

Enough from me. Talk soon. I am off to run up and down the seven flights of stairs in our building.

 

 

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